Over the past few days, I have noticed a couple of little things that have slightly bothered me.
As the hours passed, those little things that were slightly bothering me started to grind on me.
Before too long, those little things that were starting to grind grew into this moment.
Hence the question, directed at members of the male species in general:
WHAT THE F*&K IS WRONG WITH YOU?????
Annoyance #1: As I was walking along the street, this disgusting moron in front of me decided that his phlegm could no longer be kept inside.
Now, I can totally understand those moments if you have a cold, or other respiratory illness and you need to clear the deck. Truly, I can.
Instead of quietly depositing the offensive loogie into a tissue or handkerchief however, he decided to hock one up right there on the footpath. Not in the gutter, which would have been bad enough in itself. The footpath.
Before I even realised I was going to speak, I had exclaimed “Eeeewww! That’s disgusting!”
He turned around and I believe “off” was the general direction in which he instructed me to f*&k.
Annoyance #2: I was in the shopping centre the other day, and needed to pee. Remarkable, huh?
If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll know that I have a fairly strong aversion to using public toilets.
This is the reason why.
I walked up to the urinal and I swear it was like every guy before me had decided he would rather just piss on the floor than into the provided receptacle.
After completing the job at hand whilst performing the splits so I wouldn’t stand in everybody else’s urine pool, the second question came into me head to complement “What the f*&k is wrong with you?”
Now there has to be at least one male reader out there that has either hocked a loogie in public, or peed on the floor at a urinal, that can answer me the question of “What do you do at home?”
Is there a pool of urine in front of your toilet bowl, or do you have an extended runoff bowl installed?
Are there dried loogies all over the floor of your house, or do you lay newspaper down and replace it twice a week?
Are you an absolute pig at home too, or just in public?
I really am curious, because I can solemnly swear that not a drop of urine has EVER touched my bathroom floor. I seem to have this strange compulsion to actually pee INTO the bowl.
I can equally swear that I have never spit on to the ground in public.
So if you do actually commit these heinous acts, I’d really love to know your thoughts on it.
Do you not see it as a problem? Do you not think it’s disgusting? Have you not properly evolved?
Okay, that last question might have crossed the line.
Oog.
Oh yes, I better put up an outfit, but please, answer my question if you can (or dare).
Shoes – Squire Mikes
Jeans – Lee
Shirt – Oxford
